You know something is off, but you dunno what....

I reckon you've read the headlines, maybe scrolled by quickly, you've heard the word Ockenden. You've sat in a midwife appointment and left feeling more confused than when you arrived, or maybe worse, like your questions were an inconvenience someone had to tolerate before moving on to the next person in the mega full waiting room 🥴

And yet here you are. Preggo, (or planning to be). And you know you're not willing to cross your fingers and hope for the best. Awesome because that instinct, that refusal to just go along with it, is the most protective thing you have right now🔥

Eurgh, I hate to pop anyone's bubble, right but the NHS maternity system is not designed to centre you. This is not a conspiracy theory. It's an Ockenden report. It's a Birth Trauma Inquiry. It's thousands of people coming out the other side of their maternity experience asking the same question: why didn't anyone tell me I had a choice? 🤷🏾

It's thousands of overstretched midwives doing their best inside a structure that makes genuine, person-centred care almost impossible to deliver consistently. It's a shitty culture that has historically rewarded compliance over questions, that still uses language like "failed induction" and "refused" in clinical notes, that measures a good birth outcome in whether everyone came out alive rather than whether everyone came out ok 🚩

I reckon you can feel it. The disconnect between what you're told you're getting and what you're actually experiencing. The appointments that run to twenty minutes if you're lucky. The sense that the information you need is somewhere, you just can't quite access it and nobody seems to have time to help you find it. This is not your fault ⭕

Those who go into birth informed, genuinely informed, not just NHS class ticky boxed, do have better experiences. Not always easier. Not always what they planned. But better. They do ask different questions. They make decisions that feel like their decisions. They come out the other side, whether it was straightforward or complicated, vaginal or caesarean, at home or in theatre, without that particular hollow feeling of I wish I'd known....🌀

Birth trauma is real, it is common and a lot of it is rooted not in what happened, but in how it happened. In whether anyone explained what was going on..? In whether anyone asked...? In whether you felt like a person or a patient (spoiler in pregnancy you're not ill)...?👈🏾

Antenatal classes, proper education, not a two-hour hospital tour/pre-recorded link changes that. The evidence prves it. I've watched it happen, over and over🎉

I'm Sam 👋🏾, I'm a midwife and I run The Moon and Lotus Birth Prep, antenatal education for those who want more than the system has to offer💫

I'm not here to frighten you,radicalise you or send you into your birth convinced that everyone in scrubs is out to get you. That's not the goal and TBH it's not helpful. What I am here to do is make sure you understand your options. All of them. The evidence behind them. The questions worth asking. The language that shifts a clinical encounter from something that happens to you into something you're genuinely part of😘

I don't have pom poms to cheerlead you. I'm your prep🎊

I run small group workshops, masterclasses and 1-2-1 sessions covering everything from what actually happens in labour and why, to elective caesarean preparation, to how to advocate for yourself in a system that doesn't always make that easy. Everything I teach is evidence-based, up to date and delivered without the fluff or the fear.  I'll share with you what the research actually says. I'll share with you what your rights actually are. We can discuss the questions that nobody thinks to ask until it's too late and we'll make sure you know them before you ever need them 💞

You walk into your midwife appointments and you know what you want to discuss. You understand what's being offered, why and you know how to ask what happens if you say no. You don't leave wondering what just happened🤯

You're in labour and something unexpected comes up, a change of plan, a recommendation you weren't expecting, and instead of freezing, you know what questions to ask. You feel like the driver, not the passenger💥

You come out the other side, however your birth went and when you look back, you know you were as prepared as it was possible to be. You made choices that were yours. You weren't just carried along by the current in that 'go with the flow' shiz 🌊

That's what this work does. Not a guarantee of a perfect birth, nobody can give you that, but a legit shot at coming out with a story that feels like it belongs to you ❤‍🔥

You want to feel prepared, not just reassured. You want information, not just support⚡

Whether you're 8 weeks or 38 weeks, whether you're planning a home birth or a planned caesarean or you haven't the foggiest, there's something here for you💖 Come and work with me 👈🏾

My big feels about midwifery on IDM

It's International Day for Midwives today and I have such a mix of big feels atm about the state of midwifery.  At a time when midwives are leaving the profession in in droves, I am going back...💫

After 3 years working behind the scenes clinically, I am returning to the profession that almost broke me...

When I left back in March 2023, I was battered, bruised and ill, I had been pushed to limits I didn't know I had through working during the blip, burn out, as a trade union representative for a union I would not touch with a barge pole now.  I advocated, hard, for the bodily autonomy of those in my care clinically but also for my colleagues when theirs and my own job was put at risk.  I had started additional studies and been selected for a Fellowship programme (first midwife to do so), both of which left me utterly perplexed at the management, their decisions and their treatment of the staff they were supposed to be leading🤷🏾

I made the decision to leave because it was a choice of my health & pregnancy or the job...

Since then I have, with the exception of maternity leave, continued to work privately through my business in addition to my NHS role, watching and observing the profession from the sidelines, listening to my friends, some of whom had left around the same time as me and those who chose to remain discuss how they were recovering or surviving...

Long before I left and then afterwards, I had many discussions with Kelly Silk, Leisa Masters and a few others about why we stayed, what we put ourselves through and the complex trauma bonding, moral distress or corporate Stockholm Syndrome we were experiencing?

Kelly and I spoke about putting ourselves on call or going the extra (hundred) miles for our caseload because we constantly wanted to protect them and for what?

Was it a saviour complex?

What was/is it?

Was it because we were gas lit from when we were at university about how 'we, would be the change that midwifery needed?' 

Now looking back, that was when it started for me, the passion, the need for change, the advocacy... Now, in hindsight I feel frustrated, because the cohorts in front of me, the incredibly passionate burnt out midwives, if they and we were supported to work how we should be able to, to support women in their chosen places of birth, in a system that didn't pathologise or create hysteria about a bodily function that has managed to keep the human race going for a millennia - would we be in the position we are now? When an analysis done based on NHS figures show that the potential cost of maternity negligence claims in England since 2019 has reached £27.4 billion, which significantly exceeds the estimated £18 billion budget allocated to maternity care over the same period🚩

When over a decade after I qualified, this year over 2,800 student midwives are qualifying in England this year and fewer than 10 jobs have been advertised nationally. TEN. That means roughly 0.36% of them can expect to secure employment. And for what? No job at the end? No opportunity to do the work they trained so hard for? 

Midwifery training demands everything from you as a student. We work long shifts, nights, weekends and bank holidays for free. We travel miles to placements, when I was on one of my community rotations, I had to be at the train station for 0500, to get a train that went 45 minutes in the opposite direction to get another train that would take me the station nearest to placement, to then get a bus to get there on time to start at 0830, 5 days a week. We pay to work. Racking up over £40,000 in student debt; a figure that will only grow because of inflation and interest rates. I managed to get from September to the Easter in my first year until my rent bounced using my savings, so had to get a job.  On top of studying 🥴

Students in England are facing a student loan "scandal" due to ballooning debt, high interest rates and frozen repayment thresholds that make repayment almost impossible. With over £250 billion in total outstanding debt, many graduates will see their debt increase despite regular payments, creating a "predatory" system that acts as a lifetime tax 🤢

So yeah, for some reason I'm going back and I don't take this decision lightly, my situation now is different, I have a family, my mental health is better, my physical health is better, but the scars remain, but it is a calling, a vocation.  However, my tolerance for bullshit is much lower.  I worked fucking hard to get my degree, I worked fucking hard for the women I cared for and I miss the bare bones of my midwifery.  The connections I made, the conversations I had, the moments I witnessed, the joyful ones and the heart wrenching ones.  I have met some of the most powerful individuals in my life through this job, I met them in pregnancy, was honoured to be at their birth and watch them grow as a family🌀

I feel like I owe it to myself and those people of the future to try again, will it be forever? Maybe not, I've got decisions to make in the future without a doubt...

The odd, controlling, coercive relationship I have with the NHS is a tricky one to navigate and leave, like any shitty partner you've been involved with, but this time round my boundaries are firmer and if all else fails, there are other options of Independent midwifery thanks to conversations with the likes of Zest‍ ‍💞

But yeah, odd/exciting times ahead, stay tuned🔥

Sam ✨

Making antenatal classes more financially accessible…

Why I reckon everyone who is pregnant in south Gloucestershire deserves access to awesome antenatal education...🎊  And how Thornbury and District League of Friends and I are making this shiz that happen 😉

If you aren't aware of this? Where have you been? I am proper buzzing to share that I have been awarded a grant from the TADLOF 🎉

If you haven't heard of them, they're a beaut, local charity with deep roots in our community. They were originally the Thornbury Hospital League of Friends and they've had a rebrand since the hospital's closure at the end of 2018 into a grant-giving body supporting health and wellbeing projects across Thornbury and the surrounding villages✨️

Their mission is "to assist the people of Thornbury and surrounding parishes with additional help and support for their healthcare and wellbeing, wherever that need can't otherwise be fulfilled" ☺️

I was genuinely blown away to be one of the organisations they've chosen to support 😉

This grant means I can subsidise places on my antenatal classes for families in the local area who might not otherwise be able to access them 💕

So, lets be honest about what families are dealing with financially at the moment. The cost of living crisis is a reality for so many and we are bombarded constantly with aesthetic nursery set ups on social media, gadgets and things, all the things. Many parents find that this cost rises significantly once you factor in an income drop from maternity or paternity leave 😒

So for families in South Gloucestershire who are already stretched, something like an independent antenatal course quickly falls into the "luxury" column, even though it absolutely shouldn't and for some locally the only pregnancy/birth education they get is online through a QR code - I mean come on 🙅🏾‍♀️

If you aren't aware of what is happening in maternity services, what rock are you living under?? Services are stretched, trauma rates are rising, access to services are reduced, homebirths and midwife led units are closing, labour starting naturally is reducing, vaginal births are slowing becoming the minority of birth mode outcomes and caesarean and instrumental births are rising, this is worrying 🤔

I know I'm a super nerd, but the evidence consistently shows that antenatal classes can reduce the fear and anxiety associated with childbirth helping people feel greater control and capacity to manage pain, which can lead to more positive birth experiences ✨️

A 2025 study of over 1,000 pregnant people found that antenatal education was linked to higher vaginal birth rates and lower caesarean section rates among participants. Other research shows it can reduce maternal stress and decrease the use of epidural anaesthesia.  Now that said, I am not anti-caesarean or anti-epidural, but when the feedback from national reports indicates that during labour people felt pressured to accept care that did not suit their needs and felt that they were not given adequate choices about their pregnancy and birth 📚 

I do know that how you remember your pregnancy, labour, birth and early postpartum matters, it will shape your mental health, early parenting experience, your relationship with your body and often your decision on whether to have more children 💫

I love to geek out over pregnancy, birth and beyond, I want to work with you to figure out what is important to you in this experience, full transparency - if I don't know the answer I'll hold my hands up and we can find it out together😉

In my workshops we will go through everything from common late pregnancy road bumps, evidence, human rights, embracing early labour all the way through to 6 weeks postpartum 💕

Here in the South West, those of you who are pregnant can access care through the Bristol NHS Group which brings together Southmead (NBT) / St Michael's/UHBW as of 1st July 2026, with our community midwifery teams covering Bristol, North Somerset and South Gloucestershire. NBT and UHBW formally launched Bristol NHS Group in April 2025, with a stated focus on seamless, equitable care for people across the region. Gloucester Royal also serves families in the north of our county.  These are the systems and Trusts your families are navigating and the better prepared you are going in, the more boss agency you have within them 🔥

The research is clear but grim AF, people who can afford to pay for private antenatal classes continue to do so, while those who can't are at risk of poorer experiences and outcomes. That is a gap that should not fecking exist and thanks to the Thornbury and District League of Friends, we can do something about it when we work together 💫

IMO nobody should have to choose between paying bills and getting access to the information that could change their birth experience and life trajectory. Nobody should walk into birth not knowing their options, their rights, or their body because the only classes available to them cost more than they can afford right now or are the free, basic NHS ones 🥴

I am super proud to offer genuinely evidence-informed, consent-centred antenatal education, not a box-ticking exercise, not a list of what to pack in your hospital bag, but real prep for one of the most significant experiences of your life 💙

Check out my upcoming Masterclasses or the Deluxe series and take advantage of this wonderful offering from myself and Thornbury & District League of Friends

Sam x

Homebirth in South Glos

Rosie & James worked with me on Wombside to Earthside as first time parents, they were looking for in depth antenatal education that they vibed with. Which they got! They then returned for their second pregnancy to figure out if homebirth was for them, by coming along to a Home Sweet Homebirth meet up, I’m super honoured to say this is their story through both pregnancies, birth and parenthood 💞

Two births, two very different journeys 🤍

During my first pregnancy, I avoided thinking about labour until about 30 weeks. I was scared, and genuinely believed that if I ignored it, it might somehow go away.

I’m so grateful that I eventually chose to get informed, because there is no way I would have had the experience I did without that knowledge.

I felt my first contractions around 11pm, just as I was getting into bed. Things were slow to begin with, but my body had me up to the toilet constantly through the night. By 3am I’d put my TENS machine on, and I kept it on for most of the next day.

I laboured at home throughout the day, and by evening I was pacing around the kitchen table, mooing my contractions away. By 8pm, I called the birth centre to say I felt things were progressing, but they suggested a bath and some paracetamol.

In my experience, lying down was completely the wrong position for me, so the bath felt horrendous and I got out almost immediately. Kudos to James, though, for lighting candles and doing everything he could to help me relax.

Around 10pm, I decided I wanted to go in. We were told there wasn’t room at the birth centre and that we’d need to go to the delivery suite but thankfully, by the time I arrived (wearing sunglasses in the middle of the night), a room had become available.

I had originally planned to avoid vaginal exams. However, I was told I needed to be 4cm dilated before I could use the pool, so I agreed to a check.

I was 8cm.

I felt so proud of myself for getting that far at home and suddenly so excited that I was well into active labour.

I laboured there for around eight hours. The change of environment probably slowed things down, and once I reached second stage, things started to feel like they were going “wrong.” I pushed for over two hours before coached pushing was suggested. Out came the TV-worthy chair with stirrups which was unsuccessful and I was eventually transferred to the delivery suite.

On went the sunglasses again. I wasn’t about to let those contractions stop now.

We were told they would attempt a forceps delivery, and if that wasn’t successful, it would result in a C-section. Thankfully, my contractions stayed strong and Ethan was born at 8:39am, weighing 4kg.

Afterwards, I reflected a lot. It hadn’t been as straightforward as I’d hoped, but as a first-time mum I knew the statistics weren’t entirely in my favour. The likelihood of intervention is higher the first time and yet I also knew I had done everything I could to minimise that risk.

We had our birth plan memorised.

We stayed at home as long as possible (James even drove reeeeeally slowly to the hospital in the hope a birth centre room would be free by the time we arrived).

I wore sunglasses like a complete twit in the middle of the night to keep the lights out and stay in the zone.

And I was proud of that.

When I fell pregnant with my second, I knew immediately that I wanted a home birth.

Over the previous two years, I had continued educating myself on the nuances of birth. I’d listened to countless stories the good, the bad and everything in between and I felt so much more confident in my body after having done it before.

Fast forward nine months.

At 40+3, I spent the morning walking around IKEA with my mum. I felt my first surges in the car on the way home about seven minutes apart. Not wanting to alarm her, I kept quiet… though I think she knew. My first baby had also been born at 40+3, so we had suspected history might repeat itself.

Once home, I went for a brisk walk around the block with my husband. By the time we got back, we called the home birth team to give them a heads-up.

James got to work transforming our living room into a spa-like birth space birth pool up, smart lighting set, a 10-hour YouTube lava lamp video playing. Sofas were covered, the coffee table was converted into a makeshift resus station, and towels were stacked high.

Within an hour, we called again and asked for a midwife to come out.  The first midwife arrived quickly, quietly set up her equipment in another room, and essentially left us to it. It was exactly what I needed.

I laboured mostly rocking on my ball before eventually getting into the pool. I don’t remember what time it was only that it got dark at some point. I asked for gas and air, which for me felt more like something to clutch onto than actual pain relief.

Some of those contractions were grim.

I didn’t remember them being quite so overwhelming with my first, so I was genuinely surprised when the midwives told me I wasn’t yet in second stage. To me, it felt like I had been pushing for ages.

My waters eventually ruptured in the pool. I decided to get out as I was feeling hot and wanted to move. I also spent some time sitting upright, backwards on the toilet which turned out to be a very good move.

The biggest difference this time was how comfortable I felt in my own body. I was confident enough to examine myself. I could feel the top of her head and knew she was still quite high.

Then, while rocking on the ball, one contraction felt like a sudden thud and her head was right there. I almost panicked, terrified she’d move back up if I changed position, but thankfully I was encouraged back into the pool to deliver her.

After around six hours of intense, excruciating contractions, I can honestly say I didn’t feel pain during her actual birth. I was overwhelmed with emotion that she was going to be born at home, in the pool, in my living room exactly as I had hoped.

I delivered her myself and lifted her up onto my chest in absolute awe.

It quickly became clear why labour had felt so intense she had been back-to-back (OP) and was leading with her forehead, her head tilted upwards. Suddenly, everything made sense.

But she was here. Perfect.

We have friends who work in maternity care who were genuinely baffled that I delivered her at home in that position. I know that had I been in hospital, the outcome may have looked very different and that makes her birth feel even more powerful and special to me.

I’m so grateful that I eventually chose to get informed, because there is no way I would have had the experience I did without that knowledge.

We signed up to the moon and lotus birth prep "wombside to earthside" and it was beyond anything I could have imagined in terms of how much information we were given, how much support we were given, how much we were encouraged to trust ourselves and my body and encouraged to ask questions! Sam very much became a key part of our journey she made sure we understood our rights and gave us the statistics in plain english so we were able to make informed decisions about our care. After the course, I wasn't scared anymore; I was empowered and ready!

Two births.

Two completely different journeys,both hard, both beautiful.

Both mine 🤍

Wanna know what my why is…?

So, why did I decide to set up an antenatal business alongside my NHS midwife job, when I already had a full time job, a busy life and knowing that about 20% of small businesses in the UK fail within their first year and around 60% go bust within the first three years, grim innit?🤭

Get a brew and settle in... I wanna take you back to March 16, 2020, I was at work, as community midwife it was a busy day, we were navigating an odd, unsettling, unpredictable time. To put it plainly, work was shit🫩

I should have finished work 2 hours before, I was probably on my 10th cup of tea and probably hadn't had lunch, we had the radio on in the office and I could hear the TV in our staffroom flick on to hear this... Former Prime Minister, Bo Jo announcing that those who were pregnant should take "particular care" and avoid non-essential social contact to protect themselves from COVID-19....⚠️

I looked up from my notes and stared at my colleague and mate who was sat opposite me, another community midwife. I just stared at her, then I found my tongue and said 'What the fuck did he just say?' 😵

We both stood up, because we had heard a commotion down the corridor, our colleagues who were on shift in the birth centre we worked at were scrambling to come into the staffroom to hear what was being said...

We all looked at each other and said a garbled mix of

'WTAF?'

'Did you know this?'

'Have we missed an email?'

'Why did nobody tell us?' 😦

Something you might not know as healthcare professionals/midwives on the front line, the culture that we exist in, we are trained to automatically assume we have done something wrong, that we have missed something... Ask any one you know who works in the NHS. We often liken ourselves to mushrooms, 'we're fed shit and kept in the dark' 🍄

This day is the definition of that saying...

Up until this point we were having to navigate questions (rightly so) from those in our care about this pandemic, answers that we didn't have... Another tough thing for healthcare professionals, telling those in your care, "you don't know, you don't have the answers" and hoping that they can continue to have blind faith you in is pretty cack 😑

From when that press conference finished, the phone lines BLEW UP until 2245 that night, we all were answering every phone that the unit had, the shift midwife, maternity care assistant and 4 community midwives. From our local community, who were panicked, anxious and some were fuming😡

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"What does this mean?"

"I'm a nurse/teacher/insert any profession that involved contact with the general public - have I put my baby at risk?"

Having to say that over an over again that night and for MONTHS to come, 'we didn't know he was going to announce that, we don't know, we don't have the answers' was horrific. Writing this now makes me wanna vom 🤢

Fast forward to the April, my best mate had a baby and due to further restrictions being imposed, she and her baby were separated from her husband whilst they were in hospital... Her ongoing care was impacted dramatically, from then for her remainder of time in hospital to the (shoddy IMO) postnatal contact. I stood in her garden and attempted to offer breastfeeding support through the window as often as I could, it was pathetic, I felt like I was failing her and everyone 🤱🏾

The decisions that were made, the policies that were changed (some still remain), the impact of that time still reverberates now through our communities. We contributed to damage and trauma to families and I carry that to this day 💝

I set up (with the help of an absolute babe, Kelly) The Moon & Lotus Birth Prep to offer a space for those about to embark on their parenting journey to learn, discuss and decide on what they want from this experience, because YOU do have options, all the time, every step of the way and I work with you and your partner the way I wished I could have worked with my best mate, that is the level of drive and investment I have in you and your experience 🔥

Because this matters, the ripple effect from a powerful birth experience that leaves you feeling like a rainbow, bathed in sun beams and glitter lasts a life time, ask anyone who's has had one, you will pass this onto your kiddos, family & friends and I believe that is the great gift anyone can give ✨️

Thats me, that's my why💕

Maybe see you soon

Sam x

From misfit, to midwife to mumma: My journey to birth

In 2009, I spent 3 months in Ghana with Platform2, a trip that would unknowingly set me on the path to midwifery, motherhood and the work I do today.  I went there, running away from my life back home, whilst there I split my time between a building site, a school and a private maternity clinic run by the absolute legend, the formidable Madame Elizabeth Dankwa. She was 67 at the time I was there, a force of nature and had once facilitated the birth of 71 babies and assisted in four c-sections in a single night in Accra - utter madness🥴

The women I had the honour of meeting there worked all day on farms, walking miles while in early labour, only to turn up at the clinic in the middle of night to give birth. They were powerful beyond words, yet their strength was more often than not unrecognised. That experience shifted something in me, I saw what women were capable of and what they deserved in their care💞

That trip changed everything. It led me back to night school to get my A-levels, onto a long assed journey to qualify as a midwife and into over a decade of working alongside families✨

The road to Mumma hood

Working through the blip was brutal. I was burnt out, exhausted and faced an absolute mare when declining the vaccine and risk of losing my job because I believed in bodily autonomy. On top of it all, I consciously delayed trying for a baby, because I couldn’t put myself through it, what was happening to families🔥

Then, when the time came, it wasn’t as easy as I’d hoped⌛

Months of trying, testing, weight shaming from the GP, fighting for referrals, quoting NICE guidance to justify additional input because of my age. When the IVF referral finally came through, something in me shifted. It felt like a sign that this wasn’t our path ⭕

We got a puppy instead, I say we, I got a puppy, my husband just shook his head 😏

Four months later; pregnant, ta dah...🎉

Pregnancy & birth: Owning my experience

I knew from the moment I saw those two lines that I wasn’t outsourcing this experience. Even as a midwife, the idea of handing over my care to someone else felt foreign. I wanted to own my pregnancy, to nourish my body, to lean into the community I had built around me💞

I questioned everything. Had I been compassionate enough to those I cared for? Had I really understood just how debilitating pregnancy symptoms could be?

I surrounded myself with care. Self care treatments. A mother blessing. A village of support. Then, when my waters went on a Thursday, I walked on the Friday, met with our doula Gail, cuddled my pups and went to bed early✨

I laboured through the night, leaning into my instincts. Bath. Binaural beats. Shania Twain & Ann-Marie on repeat. TENS. Rebozo. Puking into a bin while Gail held my hair. In and out of the birth pool. The relief when I finally got in, feeling the shift🔥

The rest of the birth story is mine. It’s hers. It’s ours. I’m still processing it, even now🌪

What I will say is this:

This birth was everything. It was powerful, humbling, wild. It shaped me, as a mumma, as a woman, as a maiden, as a midwife

It changed me

It changed the way I work 🌀

So when you ask me:

"Can I do this when they’ve told me I’m too fat? Too old?" "Can I give birth at home?” “Because I’m a first-timer?” “Because I had a c-section?"

I say, Yes, you fucking can

Come work with me

Let’s write your story 💫